writing

Complete Body of Work

I spent a lot of time today.
I put on stockings
. . . . . . and I never do that
And when I laid myself down on that long white canvas,
she traced my body
in all the fine details I liked and admitted
and those I could not see.

And we laughed and remarked
all those points in between where my fingers jagged
and how much I liked the empty slopes to be touched.
and how the pencil had a way of making points and triangles
where there were none.

The first time I tried this exercise
was in the 3rd grade.
There was no ginger navigation,
there were no points no hips no breasts to avoid.
And Timmy, did a fine job, and didn’t make my head too big.
Timmy with a beautiful brown birthmark
on the side of his cheek.
I called it Jupiter’s spot once.
He blushed and took it as a compliment.

When my outline was finished, I rolled it out
and hung it on the wall
And I began to affix things to it.
Scraps of poetry, beer caps, pictures,
Miniature snapshot flashbulb memoirs,
Tiny swatches of time I inhabited
Meaningful, in all probability,
only to myself.

Once my body was full of all that I was
I hung it on the wall at school for all to see.
I existed for a time in two places.
And it was disconcerting to see me everyday like that,
People looking at those scattered pieces of me,
unraveling me,
knowing me.
I felt naked and under scrutiny,
but I grew comfortable.

And that one thoughtless boy,
One of a string of so many like him,
I caught him pressing my profile
Waiting for a class,
I had to ask him, If he wouldn’t mind so much as to move
. . . . . . .
I’d rather he read me,
than lean on me.

writing

taste

You know yourself to be wise,
but it is a strange thing to resist:
to draw her up close,
to peel her back, a red skinned mango
the nectar at your mouth – stingy sweet.
fruit flesh untasted.
it is a strange thing to resist:
to be good and singular and granular
a quick drawing of sugar
but briefly . . .
like tea with honey.

He says, “You are awake.
to those waking, you are irresistable.
to those sleeping, you are beyond understanding.”
to be the Dream Brother,
or the Daughter of Stones.
seven over and over again . . .
knowing the joining would be
perhaps the missing voice
within the voice.
but they all come with songs
they hear you and join in
at all the right echoes.
“You are awake.”

We know where we belong
in those fleeting drams of time,
we take the hands, tighten down like locks
and know what it is to never forever BE.
To be tasty and know how you taste.
Turn those circles outward now,
ripples, vibrations in the waterglass
be sacred at every moment
throwing hands into a fire that understands.
Breathing into red connections —
tables are set for these strange gatherings,
might you . . .
shamelessly partake
of mangos and tea with honey.

Might you?

~ Andrea E. Janda

writing

Diary of a Lazy Sunday

i went to bed as the sky was slipping open,
a silver blade across a dark canvas
the sun – a dusky, milk-white pearl,
a burnished tin coin
and the patter of rain.

i woke up late afternoon
a warm ivory cocoon
decided not to burst wings
but lay still for 2 hours
assembling dream collages
rewinding conversations
re-writing myself
two paperweight cats
held me warm and fast.

i had explained to him
that waking up is like being born
sometimes i come out screaming
sometimes i need more pushing
sometimes i cry . . .

i called three friends
from under the blanket-tent
with sleep and recline in my voice
and they asked if i were ok
and i declared softly
with a honeyed smile in my voice
that i was
indeed
fine.

in a slip of black satin
i padded the stairs, cats in tow
and made eggs and pancakes
for dinner
with peanut butter and toast
and drank orange juice slowly
marveling how far it had come
to be here now.

how far would I have to travel
to move this slow every day
in a purposeful dreamstate
consciously delicate
instinctually incoherent
to share a wishbone prize
while never having broken
a thing.

~ Andrea E. Janda

photography, travel

sunrise sunset moonrise

SaguaroSunset

i am back from AZ – a sight-filled, delicate journey
mild weather and attentive, gracious company.

Tucson, AZ is nearly the polar opposite of Friendship, MD
a dusty, stark beauty – rusted red, stucco orange & sand beige
and here now, at home a lush, cool damp of green gone gray
and blue chilled to soft white.

i picked grapefruit off the trees, in January (amazing!)
and had jumping cactus attack my sandaled feet (unwise!)

on the plane as we landed in Baltimore
the moon was like an orange rind
plump and cut in half
– a ruby grapefruit.

and now i sort through photos
and memories.

holidays, travel, writing

shiny, used, temperate blues

upon leaving Manhattan
the Christmas tree at the curb
wearing tinsel like a greenstick girl
who is showing her silvery gray
and beside it after midnite
a Champagne bucket.

the Holidays are over . . .
and now the winter
truly begins.

but I will find myself
in Tucson in 4 days,
stomping through the desert
sweating & trying to make sand
and cactus flower
visually appealing.

~ Andrea E. Janda

food, holidays, weather, work & employment

i’m dreaming of a wet Christmas

and i know how suggestive that sounds
but it’s just too warm here to snow
so we get rain . . . rats

i have to work tonite – Christmas Eve
and so i hope for kind, generous
and conscientious guests who go home
when it’s time so i can spend MY eve
with my family opening gifts
drinking wine, taking pictures,
eating chicken wings
and chilled shrimp and baked brie
and fresh fruit and chocolate
and a BIG RED Cherry Pie!

Merry Christmas
to all of you who celebrate it –
or Happy Solstice if you like it
a little more non-descript
and seasonal.

education, friends, photography, travel

almost done, and then . . .

finals are almost wrapped up
and then, presents receive
the same treatment.

my friend at work completed a real estate course
and wants me to take her picture for her business card.

another co-worker wants a family portrait or 2 done
he has new twin sons, a lovely wife and a charming Irish accent.
plus a filthy sense of humor like mine.
then there’s my girlfriend’s wedding in June . . .

humans – this is a new domain for me.
should be an expanding adventure.

This year has been an exhausting one,
It was time i stopped buying silly and worthless “things”
stopped talking about it and and simply took the time out to travel.

January 7th, i am going to AZ for a week to visit Zoey
and stomp around some deserts
and then in April (26th) through May 4th
she’ll be back this way.

Brooks (my man) and i chartered a boat,
he got his license and it will be me, him,
his brother Jesse, our friends Dave&Amy
and Zoey going to the British Virgin Islands.
Tortola – Chocolate Island.
I cannot WAIT to take pictures.

i am looking forward to quite a bit.
and you will probably see me
in fits and starts
and starbursts.

humor, nature, photography

Pretty Poultry

Photography of the seemingly mundane, or the practically unseen in nature is what I truly enjoying scouting out. I am fond of those winged things, the shiny and the tiny hiding under leaves and building nests under your eaves. Eavesdroppings indeed. Winter approaches and I hope for the hungry red cardinal landed on a birdseed laden, snowdrift railing, or the clutch of deer whisper-quiet except for their hooves crunching through the forest nearby. To catch something burrowing and to see its eyes glinting back at mine.

There’s a large farm across the street and could surely catch some creatures there when winter makes most animals scarce until Spring, but my thoughts of farm are quite the opposite direction of wild . . . I recently posted a picture of a cow, scrawled a long journal entry about the removed process of procuring food and such thoughts about animals and the environment and our respect for habitat and hunger. And no – I don’t wear Greenpeace underwear and you won’t catch me riding alongside whaling boats or swearing off meat, or chaining myself to trees, or setting fire to my angora blend winter gloves, or saving a near-dead species of bird by harvesting eggs, or developing a therapy group for tortured vegetables because you can hear them scream when they are pulled from the soil.

No – I am still talking photography here – making personal, perhaps even anthropomorphosizing animal life. For example . . .

“Humans have turned chicken and turkey into what we want them to be – which means that chickens and turkeys are a mirror of ourselves.”

Chickens are not just food. They are not just filthy bird-brained creatures that are tasty with lettuce and tomato and mayo on a bread roll, or good with stuffing – dressing, as some of you may call it. They also make for good photography. Or so I learned today while driving into work and hearing the most compelling story on the radio. Tamara Staples is a photographer who dedicated an entire book to prize chickens. The Fairest Fowl is a book which contains “dozens of fashion-runway-style portraits [that] capture the quirky personality and undeniable grace of these noble birds.” She took photos of animals who do NOT meet “The Standard of Perfection” at the American Poultry Show, which is essentially, the beauty pageant of the barnyard. The book includes an essay called “Trying to Respect a Chicken” which is also the fourth audio segment of a four part show called Poultry Slam by Ira Glass of This American Life.

Poultry Slam is an annual program about turkeys, chickens, and fowl of all types. The show airs every year after Thanksgiving and before Christmas because it is this time of year when poultry consumption is highest.

family, food, gardening, humor, music, technology, weather

Beyond the Harvest

“Now the woods will never tell
What sleeps beneath the trees
Or what’s buried ‘neath a rock
Or hiding in the leaves
‘Cause road kill has its seasons
Just like anything
It’s possums in the autumn
And it’s farm cats in the spring

Now a lady can’t do nothin’
Without folks’ tongues waggin’
Is this blood on the tree
Or is it autumn’s red blaze
When the ground’s soft for diggin’
And the rain will bring all this gloom
There’s nothing wrong with a lady
Drinking alone in her room.”

~ Murder in the Red Barn by Tom Waits

i’ve been thinking. And when i think like this – i go far out beyond fatalistic borders. It’s not a cruel darkness, just one that avoids phonecalls and voicemail and email and fax machines and blenders and microwaves – most forms of digital output and noise.

It’s the kind of thinking that makes you sit in front of sci-fi films for half the afternoon with a bottle of wine, contemplating alternate futures and ultimately deciding there’s no blindingly beautiful promise, no achieved perfection, no immortality, no homogenized version of gender, no egalitarian, peaceful rule meant to blanket the world, no disembodied intelligence – only the regression to a base understanding of what makes one truly human and sentient and in it’s crude but lovely way . . . alive. For a spell.

Never do you grapple with what a production this whole thing is until you do something as simple as say, cooking a small breakfast for yourself. Or more eating and appreciating food. You get out a pan. Not clay, not tin, but some poly-cluster creation with a gleaming handle and Teflon coating bearing a brand name recognizing a long-dead, strong sounding Norse god. A pat of butter to grease it with. No. Not butter, not taken from a cow, churned for hours in wood cut from a pine or hickory tree. Well, not even butter – margarine. And from an evenly sprayed dispenser. You turn on the fire. No. The stovetop. No, not even that – an electrified flat black surface with the pan placed over the approximate round etched size of your pan. It’s hot because water skitters off the surface so you add your egg. From a carton, from some far away chicken you never fed or robbed of its children from under the warm straw nest while it protested. It whitens, sunny side up you cover it to steam and cook faster. And while you wait . . . you get two slices of bread.  Oat Nut. Two things. Several really. Yeast you didn’t produce, oat flour you never milled, nuts you never grew or shelled or chopped. And you turn them into toast in the four-slotted drawer that pulls out of a recess in the wall. And while you wait . . . you’re out of orange juice,  a fruit which you definitely did not grow in this northern climate but you do have apple cider, in a plastic container from a towering orchard you never walked. Somewhere before all of this, you started a pot of coffee.  Not on a kettle nor pressed, but all orchestrated by one machine whose compartments allow for whole beans you never grew under a hot sun or carried by donkey pack up a steep ravine and no need for paper or filters, the mesh basket strains the ground coffee and the receptacle purifies the water of all the chemicals you added to kill the previous undesirable batch you added before which you did not take from the riverbank or pump from underground. And so onto the glass plate you never saw baked with the margarined egg and the oatnut toast and into the deep mug  with the coffee and so to add sugar you never knew as brown cane once harvested by slaves now white and bleached into angelic recognition and something to cream it with . . . some milk.  You’re out of milk.  No cow for that i’m afraid but never you worry, powdered milk to add filtered water to in a cup with measured lines and the unused rest – down the drain because it’s not palatable enough and you’ll never use it in cereal with a glossy protective varnish or cookies with chocolate which is another story altogether. And this is 10 minute preparation. Just breakfast of 2 foods and two beverages, plus condiment. Nothing farmed, all stored in various airtight and plastic refrigeration.

And what’s this to do with the season of harvest and the impending winter? Everything, had you need of preserves and jellies and canning and warm storage and feed for animals. But don’t fret –there’s a 24-hour mega-store when you run out of toilet paper and sundries. Even some carrots for the horses. Hunting season consists for some of avoiding the sprinting deer across the four-lane highway – and you never thought you’d see them here. Possums are as plentiful as pets and just as many wasted, lost and flattened. And all that processed specialty cat chow they’re missing out on.

No. i’m not really disgusted. Not entirely sarcastic. Just incredibly appreciative (and occasionally fearful) of the labor and death that comes from bounty.

And please . . .

don’t ask me about my plans for Thanksgiving.

Uncategorized

wanderlust

i don’t want to sleep anymore today
i don’t want to rest my thoughts
or save my strength
i just want to wander
and lust after nothing.

And so i did, and decided not to work
and that 6 page paper
on the disorder of my choice
is going to have to fucking wait
too.

For the world
is green but muted
and i’ve forgotten
to listen.

Cabbage butterflies
and curled yellow leaves
and the red rusted thresher
waits in the field.
While the last part of pink
and the best part of brown
go off dying together
in a dirty marriage.

The crows line the wires
and the songs are like taunting
a cow’s tail swtiches
and hits the tree bark fence
and they eye me carefully
and neither one of us
is brave enough
to charge barb wire.

But we wander
and we lust
and we trust
that all things live
and die quietly.

i plan on making some noise about it.