Wicked Haikus for the Cat
At last morning dawns
Your lashes are fluttering
I poke your eyeball.
The food in my bowl
Is old, and – more to the point –
Contains no tuna.
So you want to play.
Will I claw at dancing string?
Your ankle’s closer.
There’s no dignity
In being sick – which is why
I don’t tell you where.
Seeking solitude
I am locked in the closet.
For once I need you.
Tiny can, dumped in
Plastic bowl. Presentation,
One star; service: none.
Am I in your way?
You seem to have it backwards:
This pillow’s taken.
Your mouth is moving;
Up and down, emitting noise.
I’ve lost interest.
The dog wags his tail,
Seeking approval. See mine?
Different message.
My brain: walnut-sized.
Yours: largest among primates.
Yet, who leaves for work?
Most problems can be
Ignored. The more difficult
Ones can be slept through.
My affection is conditional.
Don’t stand up,
It’s your lap I love.
Cats can’t steal the breath
Of children. But if my tail’s
Pulled again, I’ll learn.
I don’t mind being
Teased, any more than you mind
A skin graft or two.
So you call this thing
Your “cat carrier.” I call
These my “blades of death.”
Toy mice, dancing yarn
Meowing sounds. I’m convinced:
You’re an idiot.
Finally! She’s home!
Absence intolerable
I’ll crap in the tub.
What wakes you better?
A soft and gentle head butt
or claws across face?
The Big Ones snore now
Every room is dark and cold
Time for “Cup Hockey”
