family, health

bi-directional intrusions

my boyfriend’s grandfather suffered a minor heart attack 2 days ago.
he went into invasive triple-bipass surgery yesterday.
meanwhile in Detroit MI,
my grandmother had trouble breathing,
they hospitalized her,
drew fluid off her lungs,
she went into Atrial Fibrillation
she went into renal failure
she went into dialysis,
her potassium levels went up
she stabilized, best she had been in months
but somwhere during AF, her body threw off blood clots
one of them wended its way up
she suffered a stroke.
she speaks slowly she speaks nonsense
she does not swallow
she may not recover
she may not live.

i do not know where to be right now.

food, friends, nature, relationships, technology

wonderful day

gaw – what a great day i had yesterday!
a really laid back warm and wonderful birthday …
i woke up late didn’t shower until 3pm
took a nature walk,

washed my car . . . which always consists of pulling snails off the hood
and shooing spiders so i don’t blast them with the hose
and looking out for passing butterflies.

at 8pm i met a friend Jennifer for dinner and had an incredible meal:

baked brie with mango, strawberries, grapes and oranges, filet mignon with chive mashed redskin potatoes and grilled asparagus, a bottle of champagne, and for dessert, a chocolate truffle in pecans with a glass of 6-grape port, and an awesome coffee drink with real whipped cream, the stiff kind, not the fluffy stuff.

We had a window view overlooking a mouth of the Chesapeake Bay and watched a light show of heat lightning until the rain crashed in. i went to the valet who i told didn’t need to go get my car as i could see it, so instead he followed me out with an umbrella over my head for a walk and closed my door for me. Hug

afterwards we went back to her place and shared a bottle of shiraz and an endearing two-hour conversation.

Jennifer bought me a flowering tree called a crepe myrtle which is currently potted at 3ft but will grow to be 25 feet.

i love plants as opposed to flowers. as my boyfriend says “giving flowers is like cutting off the sex parts and handing someone a bouquet of penises, it’s best to be alive and keep growing” and i agree live plants . . . it’s the gift that keeps on giving.

then the topper — i came home and my boyfriend had a really nice gift for me: a 10 GB iPod! we had a good laugh about my love of little gadgets and how different i am in that i don’t want clothing or jewelry or perfume and how that makes it easier to buy for. and that he sees my appreciation for music and technology.

and then — some wonderful lovemaking <3

food, friends, relationships

HAPPY EVERYTHING TO ME!

Have your cake and eat it too.
yup, it’s my Birthday.
well it is here on the East Coast
after midnite and so June 19th.
i’m 31.
Airborne
i plan on sleeping in
and having pancakes
with peanut butter AND maple syrup
some time with my darling
and some good wine with good friends . . .

health, weather

uggghhhh!

see what happens!
first few days of nice weather
i catch some nasty flu-like thing
and i’m hacking up phlegm
WTF!?!
i need a chicken noodle soup maker
and a warm blanket bringer
and a head-petter.

WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!

weather

sun at last!

finally!
27 days of rain in May
the longest April EVER . . .
and i go out and find
where the wild things are.

friends, health, relationships, writing

weighty repetition

everyone you come in contact with needs something from you.
they don’t always know what it is,
but they know you have something for them.
the balance occurs when you learn to embrace
that which will move you forward
those who will genuinely love you
and inevitably to learn to say NO.

education, writing

scent of Jungian anal(ysis)

thank all the gods and goddesses and collective unconscious that i am done done done with that 14-page monster i just gave birth to.

holy fucking archetypes, Batman!

well — it’s all right and the world is a fine place ‘cuz boy/girl-howdy do i have some ideas for photos.

and now … sleep on it.

relationships

holding pattern

your call is very important to me
i’ll be with you shortly
please continue to hold
and i will answer you
in the order received
i appreciate your patience.

please answer,
i hate queues.

art, film, photography, tv

fizzle-pop

passions just trying to keep up with pursuits, and it gets so tiring, to be constantly switched on and open, alive like tripwire. looking for that vision of loveliness, that perfect lover, that not so dead-end thankless employment, the perfect shot.

fizzzzzzzzle-pop.

i watched John Malkovich on Charlie Rose tonite and he was talking about his directorial debut some interesting passionate socio-political artistic hopeful masterpiece and he said something about cinema that can also relate to art, fashion, media, photography:

“the image is a currency widely overused.”
i can relate . . . abso-ipso-facto-fucking-lutley.

it can’t all be beautiful, crystal clear. we cannot be so entirely self-satisfying, it’s not all about the collection and obsession with an image (or many). the faces/pieces that we wish to capture and parade ourselves as.

soon enough, it will all be spent . . . and you may reach the end of production and end up with: Excretera: more of the same old shit. one of them is bound to disappoint someone. and it may fizzle-pop in shameless embarassment. or it may continue until it burns into fodder for dreams. milky, watery snapshots of some previous life.

i try to keep this is in mind as i wallow in my own ‘artistic stench’ as it were, tangling through numbers, wrapping my head around financial happenstances while somewhere else some fuck-off ‘brilliant’ tries to figure out how to propel paint sideways, 80mph, from his naked wang, onto canvas, bleaches his hair, wears tin-foil jockstraps and claims previous institutionalization for charm and effect and gets a gallery show. finger-snaps all around my pretties.

experience is your goddamned portfolio,
not the pictures of it.